My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
