Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you win again, gameday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
