wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want her autograph on my taint
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize