fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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