I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he fucked my hip out of place.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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