I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
