i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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