I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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