so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
