Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
