your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
