it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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