My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
