There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
