Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize