I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can't motorboat a personality
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
