as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
