I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
