Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
