I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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