OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
