Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have post one night stand depression
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