Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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