@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
