so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize