You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
