Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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