Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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