I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
