Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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