I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
