Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
