Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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