She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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