Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
