so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You are a genius and a whore.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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