Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
