You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
