I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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