i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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