The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
