i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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