do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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