everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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