i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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