Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
