She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
