roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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