If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
