for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
