Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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