Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
