Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
