I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
