The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
