so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
