I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize