He is an equal opportunity slut.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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