i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
