I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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