My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
