I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
