if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
